by Chelsi
Realizing that your parent favors their other children over you is an incredibly painful pill to swallow. They may say that they don't play favorites, but it's telling when they repeatedly prioritize them over you.
[ ADVERTIsem*nT ]
It took a Redditor a lot of years to learn that. He repeatedly forgave his father for letting him down, but his recent graduation party planning fiasco was the last straw.
OP's parents divorced when he was four years old. His dad and mom co-parented well until his dad changed when he met Jane.
Jane had three kids when she started dating OP's dad. They eventually got married when OP was 12 years old.
OP saw his dad prioritize his new stepchildren over him. He repeatedly canceled plans or forced OP to tag along with the activities his stepkids wanted.
He then tried to convince OP that the new activity was much better than what they were originally going to do. OP recalled a time when he was given a concert ticket for an artist he and his dad both loved.
His dad was supposed to buy a ticket to join him for some father/son bonding, but his dad bailed last minute. He also didn't visit OP at the hospital when he broke his arm because one of his stepkids had their tonsils taken out.
He told OP's mom to tell him that he was proud of OP for being brave and understanding. He said it's okay to be jealous when OP brought up the multiple instances he left him hanging.
He also promised to split the cost of a trip OP wanted to go on, but he fumbled again to fund one of his stepkids' birthday party
OP's mom covered for his dad every single time he dropped the ball
For OP's graduation, his dad gave him money in advance to have a party to celebrate his milestone
About a month later, he called and said one of his stepkids was having a hard time because of bullying.
He said OP's graduation party money could be used to cheer up the stepkid for their birthday
OP was pissed when he showed up at his dad's house. He gave the money back and disinvited him & his family from his graduation ceremony.
He told his dad that he finally knew who is important to him. OP told his dad to stay out of his life and left.
OP's father failed him multiple times and has the audacity to still ask him to ~discuss things like an adult~
It isn't OP's fault that his biological dad is such a terrible father
He didn't even take two seconds to think about OP's feelings. It cements the kind of person OP already knows he is.
That slip of the tongue says that he doesn't think of OP as a child. Just because OP forgave him for his past mistakes, doesn't mean he needs less from him than his stepkids.
Should he though?
OP said a phone call from his neglectful dad would be too little, too late
He assumed that OP will continue to take his neglect on the chin, but he failed to understand that even the most forgiving people have their limit
OP should remember that he is not at fault for how his adult parent treated him anytime someone tries to guilt him for what happened
I hope OP revisits the idea of going to therapy sooner rather than later
A Redditor gave OP an idea how he can communicate with his dad like an adult, just the way he expects him to
This is beautifully phrased and direct to the point
It's the kindest way OP can phrase his goodbye to his dad
And blocking him is the best way for OP to fully move on from a burden he has been carrying for too long
He adds no value to OP's like. He is the contrary, he takes from his child unapologetically and expects endless understanding.
Looks like OP made up his made and he is truly done dealing with his dad
OP didn't deserve to be treated this way for so long
Going no contact with his dad seems to be the right move for OP. He never showed up for him the way that a parent is supposed to show up for their kids.
He repeatedly let him down to support his other children. Anything that was meant for OP was sacrificed, and it's time that he stops taking less than what he deserves.
